Arms and Pine Cones

Well World, I know it has been awhile since I updated you about what has been going on but that is because I was being held captive by a clan of hyper active mountain goats with acid reflux. They were holding me captive until the prime minister of Antartica would release his collection of velvet Elvis wall hangings. Needless to say I've been in their dungeon for awhile. It wasn't too bad except they did not have cable TV and the little bells around their necks kept me up all night.
But now onto new business. Today I had the opportunity to graduate from the University of Rare Anchovies Quick Tech, with a degree in Thermometers. This is probably the proudest day of my life! I'm the only person in my family to graduate from URAQT and with the exception of my uncle Orval who popped popcord, I'm the only one who still has most of my teeth therefore my carreer in dentistry should be seccure. I have an appointment with Mr. Potato Head tomorrow to discuss job opportunities so I had better get a good nights rest! I'll let you know how things go!
Good Night World!

Maple Syrup Flavored Dental Floss

Good Evening world!  Do I have a story for you today.

I was going to eat lunch today at one of the best eating establishments this side of Old Man Kelsey's Creek, "Denny's!"  I was so excited about it.  I sat down at the bar and ordered my food.  Of course all good things take time so I waited for three days to get my food.  Once it finally got there a squirrel jumped up on the stool next to me and asked me if I wanted nuts with my pancakes?  I thought that to be strange, not that the squirrel was talking but that it was willing to part with its winter stash of sustenance.  I politely declined, not wanting the decline in squirrel population to hang over my head.  The squirrel then moved on to peddle its winter food to others.  When I tuned back to eat my pancakes, they were no longer there!  My plate had been taken away and the only thing left was a pack of Maple Syrup Flavored Dental Floss.  I picked the pack up and studied it for a second but then Jackie Chan walked up and ordered two strips of bacon, well done with a side of Maple Syrup Flavored Dental Floss.  I was a little taken aback by this and I started to ask him for his autograph when all of a sudden he saw the squirrel.  He jumped to his feet, grabbed my dental floss and quickly tied two link sausages together with the floss like nunchucks and chased after the squirrel.  Come to find out Jackie Chan does not like squirrels that give away nuts in Denny'.  So the fight of the century continued until the waitress, who had more hair on her legs than the squirrel had on its tail, broke up the fight by sending them both to timeout.  Needless to say I decided to leave without asking Jackie Chan for my Maple Syrup Flavored Dental Floss.  I wonder if CVS sells that?  Do you know?

Well World, I hope all you days are full of oxygen!

Palmegranate Souffle

So today I was standing on a street corner when I was approached by a man in a rather unorthodox manner.  First of all when he greeted me, he extended his foot.  I thought this to be different but then again I knew one guy who had to tug at your ear before he could say bye, so I extended my foot to him and he tapped my foot and then proceeded to do a Mexican hat dance with me.  The problem comes in the fact that I do not know the steps to the Mexican hat dance so I tried my best to keep up but I ended up just doing the Macarena.  By the time our odd dancing greeting was complete his bus was pulling up.  I was still wondering why he had extended his foot to me in the first place but before I could ask him, he turned to me and pulled a balloon in the shape of an anvil out of his pocket and whispered, "keep it cool daddio!"  Then he turned and got on the bus.  I wasn't really sure what he meant so I went straight home and put the balloon in the refrigerator.  If you have any idea what he meant by that, please let me know.  My refrigerator is really full and I had to take out of pomegranate souffle to get that balloon in there. 
Anyway, I love to meet new people but I think there was something a little strange about this guy.

Good night World!

Tater Tots

When I got up this morning, there was a flamingo sitting on my widow seal.  It looked at me and in an Australian accent asked me if I wanted to hear a song.  I said ok.  The flamingo began singing Happy Birthday to someone named Tommy Tater Tots.  When he finished, I thanked him but told him, it wasn't my birthday nor was my name Tommy Tater Tots.  He got a worried look on his beak and said he had to leave.  Then he hoped off of the window seal, walked over to a 1985 Dodge station wagon and drove off.
Thinking that was a tad bit odd, I started my day with 2 push ups and 3 situps.  After which  I got ready to leave.  Today is a very important day because today is the 30th anniversary of the Daily Dog.  That is the local newspaper company that prints papers in German for German Shepherds.  What a great idea!  They can read while they go to the bathroom.  Someone ingenious came up with that one.  Anyways, the first one hundred people in line at the Daily Dog get a ceramic Post It Note.  I really feel like today is a red letter day for me!
Well I have to run but I will let you know how things go.
ttyl world!

Today

So today was a pretty uneventful day.  I was at the mall because I wanted to buy a "Rubber Band Band Man,"  but the store was all sold out.  So as I was walking out I saw a little old lady in a wheel chair get mugged by a 90 year old man with a walker.  It was crazy to watch them fight.  He tried to get her purse but his teeth fell out.  While he was trying to pick them up, his back went out and then she ran over his foot with her wheelchair. 
After I left the mall, I was running late to my macaroni class.  My teacher Mrs. Strusta, does not like me to be late.  So I was going to sneak in but her stupid talking parrot started screaming about, 'votes for kittens!'  We had fun in macaroni class until the guy next to me cheated off my paper.  Mrs. Strusta gave him 15 minutes in the octopus tank. 
Now that I am home, I will get ready for bed. I was getting my kangaroo fur PJs out of the drier when I saw a genuine Spiderman costume hanging up to dry in the laundry room.  I think my dad is Spiderman.  I wonder if mom knows?  Anyways, hopefully tomorrow will be a more exciting day.
Good Night World!